What is it with those people who slightly bounce back whenever you tell them you are not OKAY. Like are we programmed to only handle good stories? I am referring to the Dutch culture now as we all know that in America or Australia for example the ‘How are you’ is just an extension of ‘Hi’. They don’t necessarily want to know how you are but it means:

 

  • If you walk into a shop: ‘Hi I’m working here so if you need anything, call me’
  • If you enter a restaurant: ‘Hi I’m your waiter for today, just letting you know that you can choose a table’
  • If you see an acquaintance: ‘Hi nice to see again. Period‘

In Holland 9 out of ten times people do want to know how you are/have been. I was always a happy person who always politely responded ‘I’m great how are you?’ to the most frequently asked question of the world. Until my world changed 180 degrees and I became really sick. My sun doesn’t always shine like yours, my flowers don’t blossom like yours and literally my legs don’t walk quite like yours… I try to make the best out of it and most of all I try to tell (read: lie to) people I’m fine just to avoid that people might worry about me. I gradually began to tell some people I didn’t feel good anymore, it felt good at the beginning but at some point I noticed that people couldn’t deal with my very sincere answer anymore. Can’t blame them. Honestly I hate it too when people alwaaaaays complaining and bitching about (the smallest) things, cut yourself some slack person!

When I used to tell people I wasn’t that okay (besides no one is always okay not even Beyoncé) I always ended with those magic words ‘but it’s gonna be okay’. All good, no one complained. But what if it’s NOT going to be okay, ever again? Whoops then you got a little problem. People tend to solve your problem (any kind of problems at all because that’s in our nature) and when they can’t, they don’t know what to say about the fact you’re not doing fine. Most of the time they find something ‘positive‘ to add some ‘sunshine’ to your story. Personally my favourite is: ‘but you don’t look sick’, more recently: ‘at least you’re not in pain’ (they forgot the fact that my legs don’t work at some moments and hey, doesn’t mental pain count?). Come on. Agree with me that sometimes life just sucks.

So why am I not doing that fine again at this very moment? If I knew then what I know now I would have gone for the famously insurance uncovered stem cell treatment. I would have sold my kidney to finance probably the half of the therapy. Because for me the Lemtrada is a big fail so far. At least for now… I could give it a few more months. You see I can still give a positive twist to every sad story! I still got it in me yeah. (That and I’m saving you for possible inconvenience that may cause this ending). I am worlds greatest motivational speaker. Not. But I don’t care. It’s OKAY to not be OKAY.

Important note: most people I know do show their sympathy.